The Problem with the Artemis Fowl Movie

Alright! As my computer was down earlier when the Artemis Fowl trailer came out, I was not able to express my feelings on the trailer, the idea, and the execution.

It comes down to: Disney does not know how to make a movie based on the book.

I am making a post on all the films screwed over by Disney later, but for now, let's focus on their biggest recent screw-up: A Wrinkle In Time. Just kidding, it's Artemis Fowl.

This Artemis Fowl movie, the first movie, looks awful. The trailer is literally 1:37 long, and right until 1:02, the trailer seems like exactly what I would hope for: It shows key settings from the book, even later books, Haven City is gloomy and realistic, and the creepy voice over is exactly how the drunken fairy should sound.

Then we get to 1:02. This shot is of Hong Chau as a fairy who can rejuvenate at will... um... what? What's going on here.? Is this the fairy they steal instead of Holly Short, to make Artemis Fowl seem more likeable?

The next problem is at 1:04. Artemis Fowl in this shot looks too young. WAY too young. In fact, when my six year-old sister saw him, she said, "Oh, he's so CUTE!" He looks like a nice nine year-old. Asa Butterfield would've been so much better, but he's too old now!

At 1:10, this is perhaps the biggest mistake yet: Artemis Fowl and Butler look... scared. THEY NEVER SHOW EMOTIONS. Part of what makes the books cool is the calm, collected coolness of Artemis Fowl and Butler. Yet here, he TAKES OFF HIS GLASSES!!! DUDE!!!! THE FAIRY COULD MESMER HIM!!!

At 1:11, it shows a bunch of LEPrecon ships flying over the ocean. Okay, okay, that could happen.

At 1:12, it shows Foaly, looking more like Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable.

Also at 1:12, it shows Artemis Fowl HOLDING A GUN!!! Artemis Fowl does not use weapons. Such behavior is beneath him and left to Butler. Even worse, the background is set during the day, so it's not in the one night that the Fowl Estate is in a time loop.

At 1:13, it shows a book accurate shot of glass and tables flying. This should be from the opening scene of the book where a troll attacks a diner in Italy, I think.

At 1:14, it shows Butler using a fairy bow. It is a fairy bow because it does not look like a regular human bow. Butler uses a sig sauer. What the heck is this bow doing?

At 1:16, it shows Commander Root, a woman in this version, surrounded by a bunch of LEPrecon soldiers, and then disables all of them with some blue blast. I don't remember that EVER happening in the books.

At 1:17, it shows a tan (Not good) Artemis Fowl walking out of the ruins of his house (Good) with a swagger (Not good). One of my favorite YouTube comments says, "This kid looks like he swaggered right off of Spy Kids." That is so accurate.

And then, at 1:22, they don't even use existing Fairy script! For no reason!

Also, this cast...

I thought Nonso Anozie as Butler would be pretty sick. Instead, we get Nonso Anozie showing emotion, wearing a AWFUL wig, and having... cataracts?

Commander Root as
he should be

Judi Dench is pretty cool. That being said, she should not be Commander Root. Part of Holly Short's story arc is literally being the first female officer in LEPrecon. If Commander Root is a female, Holly's entire motivation is destroyed.

This is not Commander Root

Ferdia Shaw, at some points in the trailer, looked like a cute nine-year-old, an annoying middle schooler, and then, also looks like a tan Spy Kid. Artemis Fowl is a pale, feeble, skinny 12-year-old

.
Oh, it also has Josh Gad. Josh Gad is pretty cool.

Also, it looks like Disney is genericizing its characters, to make them appeal to the audiences, putting in more fantasy action, to appeal to the audiences, and adding a female character, to appeal to the audiences.
But that's not what the audiences want.
Audiences liked the book because of its different, unique, and extremely not generic plot. But Disney thinks that we really want a generic Artemis Fowl movie. We don't.

If the book appealed to the audience enough to become a major motion picture, than why is the next "Logical" step for Disney to make it generic, trash the Artemis Fowl legacy, and probably lose money?
Because that's what they think we want? The trailer has more dislikes than the Wrinkle In Time and Nutcracker trailers, 7k and 4.8k respectively. Artemis Fowl has 16k dislikes. That's nearly 4k more dislikes than those two combined! And they're all of the same ilk as Percy Jackson- sloppy adaptations that made unnecessary changes, transform the respected names into jokes, rely too heavily on special effects, and lose money.

I just don't want to see that happen to Artemis Fowl.