Alright! Today I will be reviewing the prequels, now that we're nostalgic for them after the Disney Star Wars films.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Starting off the trilogy, the 1999 adventure, the Phantom Menace. 16 years after the Return of the Jedi, fans were literally camping outside theaters to just get one more taste of Star Wars. And they were very disappointed. Very.
But over the years, it's gotten better. Yeah, Jar-Jar sucks, but it also introduced all of these classic characters, like Qui-Gon Jinn, Darth Maul, and Mace Windu!
The film was bearable until we get to the Jedi Council; they were the OG ruiners of the Jedi long before the Last Jedi. They sat on their pillows and talked about their "Feelings," which I don't care about. And, for all that time they spend sitting and thinking about the Force, they never seem to realize the only Sith left is literally walking among them.
Palpatine, by the way, is actually the most obviously evil man ever. Didn't take a Force connection to figure that out.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Even worse was Attack of the Clones. Basically take the Phantom Menace, take out the cool final action scene, and boom. You got it. Politics, pillow talking, and the worst. Written. Romance. Dialogue. Of. All. Time. Yeah, it sucked.
Also, they went super heavy with the VFX in this one. It looks extremely dated now. I would've preferred practical effects so much more.
But hey, "I don't like sand. It's course, rough, and irritating. And it gets everywhere" is an excellent quote. I try to work it into all of my conversations.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Alright! Now we close this trilogy that touched us all with the best of the Star Wars Prequels. But that's not saying a lot, it still kinda sucks. Yeah, it's a lot better than the other two, but it also has some of the franchise's worst dialogue yet:
1. "It's no use, Anakin! -- I have the high ground!"
2. "If you're not with me you're me enemy!"
3. "You turned her against me!"
4. "From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!"
5. "Love won't save you, Padme! Only me new powers will..."
6. "NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!"
7. "Do it!"
Yeah, these lines don't make sense. At all.
Going through them, Line 1 doesn't make sense as Darth Maul had the high ground and got chopped in half and lost. Lines 2,3,4, and 5 don't make sense because they just don't. No one who's done what Anakin's done would actually think that it's everyone else's fault. And line 6 is just completely iconic, and line 7, the first step in Anakin becoming Darth Vader, is "Do it!"
But at least something happens in this film. It's still mostly politics and feelings, but it's got actual stuff mixed in with that, including:
1. A Chewbacca cameo
2. the Kashyyyk fight
3. Anakin getting sliced/diced
Overall, the Prequels all kind of suck.
But, hey, at least we're at the point where we're nostalgic for them. Thought it would take a lot longer. Anyway, now we have, like, tons of Prequels memes! So... blessing or curse?
Have you noticed that I've been putting memes into this review? Because one of the best parts of the Prequels is the subReddit that goes along with it.
Overall opinion: 8/10 "Whilst the Prequels are mostly boring, they do have their moments of epicness. But those are too few and too far between. However, time has aged it well, and now it is looked as a type of cinematic excellence."
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Starting off the trilogy, the 1999 adventure, the Phantom Menace. 16 years after the Return of the Jedi, fans were literally camping outside theaters to just get one more taste of Star Wars. And they were very disappointed. Very.
But over the years, it's gotten better. Yeah, Jar-Jar sucks, but it also introduced all of these classic characters, like Qui-Gon Jinn, Darth Maul, and Mace Windu!
The film was bearable until we get to the Jedi Council; they were the OG ruiners of the Jedi long before the Last Jedi. They sat on their pillows and talked about their "Feelings," which I don't care about. And, for all that time they spend sitting and thinking about the Force, they never seem to realize the only Sith left is literally walking among them.
Palpatine, by the way, is actually the most obviously evil man ever. Didn't take a Force connection to figure that out.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Even worse was Attack of the Clones. Basically take the Phantom Menace, take out the cool final action scene, and boom. You got it. Politics, pillow talking, and the worst. Written. Romance. Dialogue. Of. All. Time. Yeah, it sucked.
Also, they went super heavy with the VFX in this one. It looks extremely dated now. I would've preferred practical effects so much more.
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| The logistics of the Nexu slicing Natalie Portman's shirt into a crop-top didn't matter to George Lucas. |
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Alright! Now we close this trilogy that touched us all with the best of the Star Wars Prequels. But that's not saying a lot, it still kinda sucks. Yeah, it's a lot better than the other two, but it also has some of the franchise's worst dialogue yet:
1. "It's no use, Anakin! -- I have the high ground!"
2. "If you're not with me you're me enemy!"
3. "You turned her against me!"
4. "From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!"
5. "Love won't save you, Padme! Only me new powers will..."
6. "NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!"
7. "Do it!"
Yeah, these lines don't make sense. At all.
Going through them, Line 1 doesn't make sense as Darth Maul had the high ground and got chopped in half and lost. Lines 2,3,4, and 5 don't make sense because they just don't. No one who's done what Anakin's done would actually think that it's everyone else's fault. And line 6 is just completely iconic, and line 7, the first step in Anakin becoming Darth Vader, is "Do it!"
But at least something happens in this film. It's still mostly politics and feelings, but it's got actual stuff mixed in with that, including:
1. A Chewbacca cameo
2. the Kashyyyk fight
3. Anakin getting sliced/diced
Overall, the Prequels all kind of suck.
But, hey, at least we're at the point where we're nostalgic for them. Thought it would take a lot longer. Anyway, now we have, like, tons of Prequels memes! So... blessing or curse?
Have you noticed that I've been putting memes into this review? Because one of the best parts of the Prequels is the subReddit that goes along with it.
Overall opinion: 8/10 "Whilst the Prequels are mostly boring, they do have their moments of epicness. But those are too few and too far between. However, time has aged it well, and now it is looked as a type of cinematic excellence."
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