Top 10 Disney Films!

So. After publishing a few movie reviews and a few superficial think pieces, I'm back with another half-baked Top 10 list. Why? Because I basically only do those three things.

So, after the release of Artemis Fowl, we must ask the question; has Disney ever actually made a good original film?

Like, if it's not animated or part of a different studio like Marvel, Star Wars, or Fox, what exactly has Disney done by way of original films? More failures come to mind than success. I mean, you got Pirates of the Caribbean and... The Computer Who Wore Tennis Shoes?

Also, just a little footnote: I'm excluding Hamilton from the list. It's great, but it's not like Disney made Hamilton. Lin Manuel-Miranda made Hamilton, it was just released by Disney. 

10. Old Yeller

Old Yeller is a bona fide classic. Released in 1957, I had no clue that this was actually a Disney flick. But no, when I was researching this post, Old Yeller was a movie that just stuck out to me. Everyone knows about Old Yeller, both in the story and the tears that have been shed. 

And yeah. Tears have been shed whilst watching this. I myself got a bit teary-eyed throughout the film. The actual Old Yeller dog is just so pure. Wholesome vibes from that dog. He's a very good boy. 

9. National Treasure

I can not stress how actually good the first National Treasure is. Second one's kind of bad, but the first one? The first one will always hold a very nice place in my hear for movies from the early 2000s that weren't the best but I have very good memories of (Night At the Museum, Rio, Ice Age, etc.).

National Treasure is ironically Disney's last franchise, which is sad considering it was released in 2004. Since then, they have had no new original movies liked or successful enough to merit sequels. Speaking of which, we need a National Treasure 3 right now. It's been in the works forever, but we need it. 

But for the actual National Treasure movie, it has a very nice and iconic premise - A treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence that leads to a road trip/history lesson of a movie starring Nicolas Cage. And who doesn't like Nicolas Cage? 

8. Sky High

Yet another not that good movie from the early 2000s that I remember beat for beat, Sky High was ahead of its time, and even has a concept that hasn't been touched on in movies since - A superhero high school. 

The plot of Sky High is pretty good - The son of the world's two most famous superheroes gets to go to Sky High, where they teach kids how to use superpowers. While there, he meets a very diverse group of semi-recognizable names like Lynda Carter, Danielle Panabaker, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and Bruce Campbell. It's a pretty stacked group, and combined with his dad being played by Kurt Russell, leads to a very solid B-List almost A-List cast.

Sky High is also pretty funny. It's one of the few comedy-superhero movies to not suck, the other being Thor: Ragnarok. And it never hurts to be listed in the same sentence as Thor: Ragnarok.

Forgotten comedy from the early 2000s? Sign me up.

7. The Parent Trap

In seventh place goes the 1998 Parent Trap remake starring Lindsey Lohan. Yeah, the original was good, but I honestly think that the remake was better. The modern production values and sensibilities, different but not unfamiliar from the original, as well as the minimal drop in quality, make this remake an unqualified success. 

Also, Lindsey Lohan before she went crazy is always cool. A+

Excellent child actor on Disney's part.

6. Tron: Legacy

Guys, Tron: Legacy is not a good movie by any means. The acting is subpar for the most part, the dialogue is video game generic, and the story is largely uninspired. But, holy crap. Hoooooly crap. The visuals and CGI are amazing! I love watching this movie just because the feel and aesthetic look awesome!

Again, not a good movie. But, listening to a good Daft Punk soundtrack while a visual feast of light cycles zoom past you does not hurt at all. So many cool visuals. And, this is actually getting a sequel, Tron: Ares, starring Jared Leto, so that's nice. It's going to be an official franchise! Yay! Disney's next franchise after National Treasure. 

If the movie was half as good as the visuals, this would be one of my favorite movies ever.

5. Mary Poppins

The biggest problem with Mary Poppins is just how long it is. It's two hours and twenty minutes long! Wow! That's a really long movie! Especially when all musicals more or less follow the same plot! It's a lot to take in. 

But, the songs are iconic (Chim Chim Cher-ee won Best Original Song at the Oscars), the visuals are iconic (Dancing penguins, anyone?) and Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins is a perfect performance (Which she won Best Actress for). 

We get to the point with Mary Poppins where the only negative thing about it is Dick Van Dyke's vaguely Cockney accent, which I don't even think is a big deal. It's just how I imagine his character talking, so kudos to Mr. Van Dyke for owning it. 

This takes place back when kids were routinely sent down chimneys as chimney sweeps and died from black lung. 

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

This is -- by far -- the largest and most milked original Disney franchise, gaining four sequels, a possible fifth, and a spin-off starring Margot Robbie, all more or less of declining quality. Let me just say that the second and third Pirates of the Caribbean flicks are absolute units of movies. Combined, they are five hours and ten minutes long. It's a lot. 

But the first one is on here because none of the other ones are good... I liked bits of the sequels, but nothing is going to top the swagger and swank that this one had. Johnny Depp's performance as Jack Sparrow is cemented into pop culture, and supporting stars like Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley definitely do not hurt. Especially Legolas. 

But the visuals are cool. The fictionalized Pirate world is cool, where pirates are all cool and charming, instead of the disgusting, filthy, profane people they really were. Actually, this is kind of like the Twilight of Pirates (Weird description, but I think it works). Romanticized and fictionalized to the point where the result is only the thing in name. 

P.S. If you want a really good and realistic sailing movie, watch Master and Commander: Far Side of the World, which I highly recommend.

Pirates were... not this clean looking.

3. Remember the Titans

Next on the list is something that's not placed blindly through nostalgia or cool visuals, it's an actually good movie with a powerful message, acting, and a killer soundtrack, which featured the likes of Ain't No Mountain High Enough and Spirit in the Sky. Let it be known I am not a fan of sports movies (Or sports in general) by any means. They're predictable, overly melodramatic, and a dime a dozen. But Remember the Titans actually transcends the genre to become an enjoyable movie. 

It tells the real-life story of coach Herman Boone and his quest to integrate the Virginian T.C. Williams High School football team in 1971. The movie tells this powerful and relevant story professionally and with a good amount of artistic and feel-good value, making it one of the best and my go-to sports movie. 

And the Studio C sketch. Let's not forget that.

2. Pollyanna

That's right! To find 10 good Disney flicks, I had to go to 1960's Polyanna. Most Top 10 lists often forget the older movies in an effort to appeal to the younger audience who are unaware of how good the classics are. But, when dealing with the lackluster catalog of original Disney flicks, going back 60 years is a requirement. 

And, even if Disney was popping out great original films, I would still keep this one where it is. Polyanna is a tried and true classic, a forgotten masterpiece. Featuring several show-stopping, feel-good moments like the "Happy verses" speech, or the town coming to visit Polyanna, or any scene with Polyanna in general.

By the way, Disney had an extremely good pool of child actors back in the day. Not sure how we went from the Academy Juvenile Award-winning performance of Hayley Mills to Artemis Fowl. This movie is totally awesome. My only complaint is that it slowed down quite a bit in the middle. 

No Polyanna! Don't grab the doll! 

1. The Muppets

And in first place is the 2011 Muppets movie. Not sure why it's on Netflix and not Disney+, but I'm sure that's going to change soon. Like all Muppet movies, this one has an abundance of A-List cameos, from Emily Blunt, Donald Glover, Whoopi Goldberg, Mickey Rooney, and Neil Patrick Harris. But what makes this the most interesting Muppets movie is that it stars humans - Amy Adams and Jason Segel, and it also creates a new muppet in the form of Walter, which lets it tell a story that's never been told before. 

Walter, combined with the time gap between Muppet movies, makes this, by far, the most interesting (Plot-wise) of any Muppet movie. You can make as many Muppet Treasure Islands or Muppets Take Manhattans or even Muppets In Space, but they will never be as heartfelt or as impactful as this single movie. 

It has a great story, great cast, great puppetry, and the best Muppet songs, including the only Muppet song to ever win the Academy Award for Best Original Song, Man or Muppet,. Also noticeable is the large number of existing songs (We Built This City). And I really love the finale of the movie, one final show to save Muppet Studios. 10/10 movie.

Easily... easily the best Muppet movie.