Jungle Cruise Review!

Alright! Today I'm reviewing Disney's latest chance at a franchise: Jungle Cruise. After more than a decade after failed franchises like Tron, The Lone Ranger, John Carter, Nutcracker, and Artemis Fowl, Disney's last resort was to hire the most bankable actor in Hollywood in the setting he's known best in: The jungle.

At a glance, Jungle Cruise is several better movies on shuffle: You have The Mummy's intelligent sister/timid brother team up with a cool, scene-stealing, charismatic lead, Pirates of the Caribbean's cool captain persona and villains, and Jumanji's, Rampage's, and Journey 2's winning formula of dressing Dwayne Johnson in a tan shirt and putting him in a jungle. 

Disney has started to reboot franchises that they don't even own...

Most of the things I listed are better movies, but Jungle Cruise is its own blend of other blends. It's extremely generic, you can probably figure out the entire plot, framework, and vibe of the movie just from looking at the poster and reading the premise. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it just makes it hard to rewatch. 

There are two redeeming factors in this movie: The Rock's charisma and a solid plot twist. I won't get into the plot twist, but it surprised me, which I wasn't expecting from a b-level franchise starter. The Rock's charisma seems to follow him in every role he has, so that's not terribly surprising. 

The single biggest saving grace of the movie, however, is all of the lame puns. If anything, Jungle Cruise made me realize I would listen to the Rock deliver super lame dad puns for two hours. In fact, I demand it. Give me a sequel with even more puns. 

The Rock's puns and the plot twist more or less make the movie enjoyable in the "Shut your brain off and just have fun with the kiddos" type of way. There's nothing special going on here, just other movies you've seen before. 

I did have several minor and large complaints about it though: the villain absolutely sucks. I hated the villain with a passion, he was so generic and lame. He was never a real threat to the heroes. I hated that it took place in WWI but never took advantage of that idea or the moral implications the Tree of Life could have. I especially hated that a $200 million dollar movie ended up looking this blatantly CGI.

How much of this movie was CGI?

I also kind of hated the ending? I wish it had ended with the stone cracking instead of ending with everyone having a happy ending. It was the most predictable thing in a movie built out of predictability. The movie definitely would have been better (And more suited for sequels) if it had left the character in question in his rock form. It was a minor thing, but I hated the cliche. 

But another thing I did like about the movie was the subtle coming-out scene with the timid brother. While it did turn a hilariously extra character into somewhat of a stereotype, I really liked the way it was done and how it was worked naturally into the story and the character's motivations. 

Jungle Cruise is solid. If it didn't cost so much and just had a bit more streaks of originality, it would be an infinitely improved movie, but it floats by on likable leads. 

Overall, I give Jungle Cruise a 7/10. "Jungle Cruise is a likable mix of several better movies, anchored by the Rock's charm and a solid plot twist."

Not bad, not bad.