Batman & Robin Review!

 Alright! Today I’m reviewing the 1997 sequel to Batman Forever, which is, in turn, the fourth movie in the 1989 Batman film series. Often seen as one of the worst movies of all time and the thing that killed Batman for nearly a decade, Batman & Robin, directed by Joel Schumacher and starring George Clooney as Batman and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, is... hrmm. Where do I even begin?

The issues begin then and there with "George Clooney as Batman and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze." On my bulletin list I write my thoughts down on, I wrote down “Arnold Schwarzenegger is woefully miscast.” After the movie, that was amended to “Everyone was woefully miscast.”

Returning is Chris O’Donnell’s Robin, which I hated with a passion in Batman Forever and continued to hate here. He barely looks or acts like Dick Grayson, and the fact that I want him dead screams more Jason Todd than anything. George Clooney phones it in as Batman as well, with an uninspiring Bat voice and no presence in the suit.

But the casting issues don’t stop there - Batgirl’s a bit more clueless than normal, and some of the suit up camera shots almost felt kinkier than Batman Returns. The only person remotely well cast was Alfred, and he was just a carry-over from the previous films. Batgirl also had very little to do in this, she just kind of showed up. And the fact that she wasn't even  related to Commissioner Gordon was off-putting.

Poison Ivy, Bane, and Mr. Freeze are the main villains of this movie. All of them are terrible. Bane is the absolute worst, however, with an atrocious design, frightening muscles, and a presence indicated singularly by guttural screaming. Poison Ivy is weirdly over the top for the entire movie, but at least it’s consistently over the top. It comes off as a knock-off of Michelle Pfeiffer's (Infinitely better) Catwoman.

Mr. Freeze is one of my favorite villains in Batman’s rogue gallery - depending on the interpretation, he’s not even a villain, just a lovesick and tragically tender scientist. Arnold Schwarzenegger embodies neither lovesickness nor tenderness. He’s more Bane-type material. And his presented origin story feels more like Doctor Manhattan in design than Mr. Freeze. 

Production-wise, the movie has the visual appeal to sticking your head in a disco ball for two hours. The effects are bland, the visual flair nonexistent, and the soundtrack thoroughly uninspiring. The soundtrack’s interesting - some scenes really could use a better score, because silence with this level of dialogue and over the top everything is just awkward. 

The singular worst thing about the movie, however, was the fact that it did not focus on Batman nor feel like a Batman movie at all - indeed, it felt more like a generic cartoon like Super Why than Gotham’s guardian, watcher and protector. While I could at least point to elements of Batman Forever and see the gleams of a pretty good Batman movie and a genuine understanding of the character, all traces of that are gone here.

With three villains and two supporting heroes, Batman is overshadowed in his own movie, and is given so little to do that Clooney never makes an impression or really tries to. There’s nothing in here that touches on his parents or his life without Batman or the inner turmoil from the moral ambiguity from his actions, it’s a Bat Credit Card.

That's the thing about this 1989 film series - the more the movie actually focuses on the title character, the better it is. When I think of The Dark Knight trilogy, Bruce Wayne very much has an arc in those and always has an emotional drive for what he's doing. Even the 1966 and Snyder-era Batman material does it better. The best one of this series is the first one in my opinion, and that's because it has the most Batman in it. I feel like I could write an entire post on why this movie failed so utterly completely and how it can be used to demonstrate how to not make a Batman movie. 

The singular nice thing I can say about this movie is that 1) I liked the cowl’s look on George Clooney and 2) The lights on Mr. Freeze’s suit looked kinda cool. Aside from that, there’s nothing good about this movie. There is no reason I can think of to watch it again. While the beginning starts out dumb campy enough to be fun in a so bad it's good kind of way, the rest of the movie goes on for too long and gets too serious. 

Overall, I give Batman & Robin a 1/10. “While elements of unbearable camp are present, they are not strong enough to make Batman & Robin mildly enjoyable.”

This was probably my favorite thing in the film - Bane in a hat. Why does he have a hat? Is he in disguise? He's already wearing a mask, what purpose does the hat serve?