The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power Review!

Alright! Today I'm reviewing Amazon's mega-budget streaming show, their highest profile release ever, and the sole time I've ever voluntarily tried to navigate Amazon Prime's unbelievably awful layout - The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, which takes place during Middle-Earth's Second Age and tells the tale of how the titular Rings of Power were formed. 

Now, first of all, you gotta know what this is an adaptation of. Because it revolves around the forging of the Rings of Power, has younger versions of Galadriel and Elrond, and has Sauron in a physical form, one would assume it's adapting parts of The Silmarillion - this is not the case. Amazon paid $250 million for the rights - $250 million for the rights alone - for The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and their included appendices. While that amount of money for rights alone is insanity, this, more importantly, means that they did not have the rights to The Silmarillion, Unfinished Tales, or The History of Middle-Earth, so don't expect any Silmarils. They created this show based on appendices. 

But hey, Mean Girls was adapted from a parenting book, so anything's possible, right? Unfortunately for The Rings of Power, however, it plays exactly like what you'd expect from something made from appendices - the show is boring, tedious, and slow. Sometimes it picks up and becomes genuinely interesting, but for the most part, it sticks to exposition and uninteresting plot threads.

But before we delve into the things I wasn't too happy with, let's start with the good news. This show looks and sounds amazing. This definitely looks like something they paid a crap ton of money on and that shows in every frame. The series (Especially the opening prologue) drops some of Middle-Earth's best visuals throughout. The same goes for the music - while it isn't the instantly recognizable and iconic work that Middle-Earth is known for, it's more than adequate for the majority of the series. From a production standpoint, The Rings of Power is unparalleled. We're a long way from CW shows and primetime television. 

I also greatly enjoyed Elrond and his apprenticeship with Celebrimbor, his visit to Khazad-dûm, and all the things actually pertaining to the forging of the Rings of Power. All of that was fantastic and I loved every second of it. I also, for the most part, enjoyed the one mystery character who's definitely not Gandalf (He's just a tall spooky tall man with a gray beard who befriends Hobbits and talks to animals. Definitely not Gandalf), even though I dislike the notion that everything has to be full of mystery boxes to keep audiences engaged. 

My favorite moment was easily the opening prologue with the Two Trees, Morgoth, Valinor, and the War of Wrath. That was the series at its visual, artistic, and epic heights, and currently the closest thing we have to an adaptation of The Silmarillion we have. Maybe that was my favorite part because when I was reading The Silmarillion I would constantly think "Wow. This would be so dope in live action." And I was vindicated, for about two and a half minutes. Then the actual plot starts. 

While several aspects of the series rang mostly flat for me, I'd point to my biggest displeasure being the shoddy dialogue. Every attempt by the writers at poetic, Tolkien-esque dialogue turned out completely incoherent; This was apparent within the first three minutes when Finrod Felagund drops the proverb “Do you know why a ship floats and a stone cannot? Because the stone sees only downward. The darkness of the water is vast and irresistible.” Several pieces of dialogue carefully toe the line between banal and downright incomprehensible, making everything feel ostentatious and hollow. It's like they didn't know how to match Tolkien's keen dialogue and thus decided to make every metaphor about the natural elements ("One cannot satisfy thirst by drinking seawater," aka this scene from Ice Age: Continental Drift). 

This writing also creates one of my greatest nitpicks of all time - after hunting for Sauron for centuries, Galadriel returns to Lindon, where High King Gil-Galad 1) Declares that she and her crew have free passage to Valinor, and 2) Is disrespectful to Galadriel. These things bother me because Valinor is treated as a reward for effort that Gil-Galad can bestow, when a more proper narrative would have been that Galadriel and her crew have seen so much strife that Valinor is the only place they could properly heal (Like the bearers of the One Ring in The Lord of the Rings). While Elrond does eventually point that out, it does not change the fact that returning to Valinor is treated as a gift from Gil-Galad, which is completely wrong. In fact, Galadriel wouldn't have even been able to go to Valinor at this point - she was banished per the Doom of Mandos (As seen in Of the Flight of the Noldor) and her exile wasn't lifted until she refused the One Ring and fought against Sauron during the events of The Lord of the Rings, which takes place nearly 5000 years later ("I pass the test, I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel").

But that's all semantics. The works of Tolkien are vast and confusing, and there are likely texts that would contradict that explanation of who exactly the Doom of Mandos would have affected. But the unforgivable sin of the series (Thus far), my personal nitpick I just can't get over, is how rude Gil-Galad is to Galadriel, and how she's seen as a young go-getter by most of the Elves in Lindon. Y'all, Galadriel is many things, but she is not a young upstart who's blinded by avenging stone enthusiast Finrod. If you want to make that the driving force for her motivations in the series I get that - revenge quests are cool and epic (See: Hamlet, and, ironically, Fëanor). But having every character treat her with "That's nice Galadriel. Please stop, you don't know what you're talking about" is astounding given Galadriel's history. Galadriel, who, along with Fëanor, creator of the Silmarils, is seen as the greatest of the Elves. Galadriel, daughter of Finarfin, third King of the Noldor. Galadriel, who was so beautiful that her hair served as the inspiration for the Silmarils. Galadriel, who helped lead the Noldor from Valinor from Middle-Earth. Galadriel, who is older than Gil-Galad. 

I mean, I'd get it if it was Fëanor talking down to her during the Years of Trees, But Galadriel is, by all accounts and definitions, superior to nearly every elf in Middle-Earth. She's not someone you can just brush off. She deserved more gravitas and status during her interactions with other Elves. While online discourse about female protagonists often leans towards "Mary Sue" and "Disrespects other established characters," Galadriel sidesteps both of those complaints - she's one of the most powerful Elves and is the established character in this scenario. And if you didn't catch any of that (Tolkien is confusing for the uninitiated and initiated alike), this is basically the equivalent of the Emperor of China completely disregarding Mulan, who in this scenario helped found China. 

But aside from belittling Galadriel, the show also screws with the timeline of Tolkien. At this point in time, Galadriel would have been married to Celeborn and had a daughter, Celebrían, who eventually will marry Elrond. Considering Elrond and Galadriel seem to be childhood friends in the show, this family tree dynamic seems... unlikely. Which again, a timeline discrepancy that likely exists for the narrative structure that'll only bug Celeborn fans. Which I am. 

Another thing that annoyed me about the show was how desperately it wanted to be like The Lord of the Rings, specifically the Hobbit stand-ins, another Romeo and Juliet starring Elves and humans, and a spooky tall wizard man. Or, rather, it's not the fact that the show includes those things is bad - it's that those plot threads are downright boring. I've seen Hobbit-types doing Hobbit things. I've seen forbidden Elf romance before. Twice before. Three times before. All these aspects the show introduces to make it more "Lord of the Rings-y" just bog the show down because that means they're doing things that have been done, things that feel unnecessary and only there because people would expect Hobbits in a Lord of the Rings show - a sentiment that was confirmed by series creator Patrick McKay in an interview with Vanity Fair: "But really, does it feel like Middle-earth if you don’t have hobbits or something like hobbits in it?"

Speaking of the spooky spooky tall man, this show has developed a very dangerous double-edged sword with this guy. The series confirms that he is, in fact, one of the Istari, and heavily hinted to be Gandalf, which gives him a backstory for why he likes Hobbits. I very much dislike this idea - it was far more of a testament to Gandalf's character that he liked the Hobbits because they were peaceful and plain than because they were the first people he saw after being sent by Ilúvatar to Middle-Earth. It would turn the show into a complicated backstory for something I never wondered about, like why Han Solo is named Han "Solo" and has some dice hanging from his rearview mirror or where Luke Skywalker got his T-16 Skyhopper toy. 

It also didn't help that the Gandalf/Harfoot plot is downright dreadful in terms of pacing. Every cut to them slows down time in a way reminiscent of grade school math classes, and the actual characters found within the plot were equally dreadful. Aside from the odd dichotomy of "Nobody gets left behind" and "We will abandon you if you get left behind" mantras the tribe repeats, several more fallacies are found within this group (Such as the black Harfoot. The source material describes them all as being darker collectively, so why the singular?). Additionally, the Harfoot who befriends spooky spooky tall man had such a yearning for adventure and grander things (despite her parental and societal expectations) that was so cliché I was surprised she didn't start singing a Disney ditty about how there must be more than this provincial life. The Elf ranger Harondir was equally bland initially, being yet another stoic and grim Ranger-type in a fantasy setting. However, he eventually proved his worth as the best original character on the show and a capable action hero - and casting controversies aside, he certainly seemed the most Elf-like. 

Circling back to the pacing, this show had several editing room problems. Numerous characters and plotlines are included in the show, but it's exceedingly clear that they can't properly handle all of them. They weave in and out for entire episodes at a time, ruining any sense of lingering or continuing menace. I first noticed this when the fourth episode didn't return to the Khazad-dûm plot at all. As it was my favorite plotline I took notice and began charting the series' scattershot episode-to-episode plotting. When you have eight episodes in a season, you can't afford to be missing some of these characters for weeks at a time (Although to play devil's advocate, I did rather enjoy the episode when they didn't touch on the Harfoot plotline at all). 

I also wasn't a big fan of the action setpieces found within the show. Aside from the typical problems that plague big blockbuster-type action like quick cuts and shaky cam, there are dynamics within the fights themselves that do not make sense. Take, for instance, the ice troll in the first episode. The entire fight lasts about a minute and it takes Galadriel seven sword stabs/slices to take it down single-handedly. When compared to the cave troll in The Fellowship of the Ring, that fight takes four minutes, the troll takes far more damage (five arrows, two axe wounds, 10 stab wounds, a few rocks) and almost kills Frodo. It takes the entire Fellowship to bring it down. Quickly one-shotting a threat isn't a good way to introduce a hero, it establishes their power in a way that makes it seem like any future fight should be over quickly and thus makes future action scenes less interesting. Quick one-shotting is best used on villains to immediately establish the stakes that go along with them (Like Thanos in Infinity War). Funny enough there aren't many action setpieces in the show, mostly contained to every other episode (Another consequence of the inane plotting). 

The final aspects of the series that disappointed me were the titular Rings of Power and Sauron's role in the story. The Lord of the Rings put a great emphasis on "But they were, all of them, deceived, for another Ring was made," which the show completely glossed over. You have eight episodes of build-up for a finale that breezes over the titular objects, Sauron's great reveal, and just about everything the show sets up. I dunno why, but I always thought Sauron using his cunning and conniving into deceiving Celebrimbor to make Rings of Power would be a lot cooler than a singular scene where he says "Ayo bro, you ever considered making rings of bling?" (I'm paraphrasing). Nearly everything about that forging was disappointing, and yes, it was due to my underlying expectations. Between knowing how important the forging timeline is and knowing the title of the show is The Rings of Power, only seeing the three Elven Rings being forged was deeply, deeply disappointing. To an unfathomable degree hitherto unknown. Especially given that the nine rings for men, seven rings for dwarves, and the One Ring weren't even forged. Like... you had one job. Just the one.

It's not a hard concept to grasp - Sauron disguises himself as a dude named Annatar, counsels the smiths of Eregion, deceives them into making Rings, makes himself a secret ring to control all of them, and then visits Númenor and corrupts them to the point that the entire island is drowned by Ilúvatar. It's not a hard plot to adapt, yet the show takes the angle of introducing Sauron as a dude named Halbrand, having Galadriel save him and go to Númenor, convincing the Númenorians to go to Middle-Earth, showing up to talk to Celebrimbor for two seconds, revealing himself as Sauron to the Elves before any Rings are made, and then dipping to Mordor. It almost hurts to type. If anything, it completely undermines everything about Sauron and Galadriel by having Galadriel save pure evil from dying forever and Sauron leading the eventual founders of Gondor to Middle-Earth. It's a potentially fun dichotomy, but it's not implemented well. 

Speaking of Númenorbeing being dunked, something I'd really like to see from this show is Númenor's downfall having the same focus on hubris and power that the second season of Justice League Unlimited had. It might seem like an odd comparison, but JLU had such a fantastic exploration of power in relation to the people and how isolated gods can become out of touch that The Rings of Power would be lucky to have. However, given how heavy-handed the show is with its foreshadowing (The Queen talking about how she sees a giant wave in Númenor's future, Celebrimbor talking about wanting to change Middle-Earth with one of his works, etc), any hope of an intelligent adaptation of that is dashed. 

Visually, The Rings of Power is great, but it must be acknowledged that most of the time when people's first reaction is "It looks great!" that's code for "This kinda sucks." While most aspects of the show leave much to be desired, I am, personal nitpicks aside, fairly excited to see where this goes. If the pacing gets tighter and the plotlines pick up, we have a potential success on our hands. But if it's more of the same, well, then it will be the failure everyone feared it would be. It reminds me of The LEGO Ninjago Movie, where you need to know the source material to understand what’s happening, but understanding the source material means you know what’s happening is wrong. 

Sidebar, but my lecture on the Doom of Mandos felt really... empowering. It felt good to me despite having little bearing on the actual quality of the product. Is this how people felt when they said The Lord of the Rings movies butchered Aragon's character arc? I kinda get it, this feels good. But I do have to admit - If I look at The Rings of Power with a New Criticism lens, where my critiques about the work are self-referential, then it's perfectly average. But if I look at it when compared to Jackson’s trilogy or heaven forbid Tolkien’s own writing, then the series is dead on arrival. 

Overall, I give The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power a 6/10. "Slowly paced but visually marvelous, The Rings of Power is neither fantastic nor awful - just a middle ground for Middle-Earth." 

I feel whelmed.